I feel cheated! Open letter to Jeremy Corbyn MP

Dear Mr Corbyn

I have been shocked at this scandal about MP expenses. You wouldn't believe the anguish and upset it's caused me. We all know why people get into politics. Serving the people. Giving something back to the community. Making a change. Working for a better future. Standing up for what's right.

Bollox. People get into politics so they can have a cushy job for a few years, then retire on a decent pension plus sky-high consultancy fees and Middle-Eastern peace envoy missions, and that's before the lecturing tours. So it's shocking that it took so long for the British media to get a decent story out of it, but finally the Telegraph cracked it and managed to give us something to moan about (although I have to say that even so, compared to some people this lot are a bunch of amateurs).

You can imagine my glee as I set about picking your claims apart, savouring the anticipation of firing off an email to the BBC, expressing my indignation at your blatant disregard for us righteous tax-payers. But nothing had prepared me for what I found.
£15-£50 phone bills.
Almost £30 at the local Ryman for files, notebooks and printing paper (recycled). And I note that the files and notebooks are blue... obviously ready to jump to the other side at the flick of a pen.
Ink and toner cartridges (refills).
Business cards (two colours... you see, it's the Blues again!).
Hall hires, tea bags and fruit teas, medium and rich roast coffees, semi-skimmed milk, rich teas and fairtrade sugar for constituents coffee mornings.
Rent paid to the Ethical Property Company.

I couldn't bear to pore over the claims you made before 2007, I was just too upset.

How do you expect us to go to work tomorrow, and fit in with our colleagues??? What are we going to talk about? What are we going to say when the boss comes in all wound up at her MP's claim for a 5th home in Paris, complete with frog pond and a full collection of Carla Bruni's lost porn flicks on Blue-ray?
"Oh, don't tell me! *My* MP got the old ladies fairtrade sugar, but then he went and blew 3 quid on Nescafe! How disgusting is that!"

No, seriously, couldn't you at least have hired a bunny to waltz around the room with jammie dodgers-laden trays at one of the meetings?

Very Upset in North Islington