David Cameron:
"And to the lawless minority, the criminals who have taken what they can get, I say this: We will track you down, we will find you, we will charge you, we will punish you. You will pay for what you have done."
Q: How much will you pay exactly?
A: 60 quid.
And a district judge's comment:
"He [Tim Devas, district judge at Nottingham Magistrates Court] went on to address the court in general, saying: "If there are any criticisms of sentences handed down by the courts, if you want anyone to blame, then go and speak to the government.
"Do not blame the judges or the magistrates who do their jobs professionally and abide by the guidelines set down."
At the same time, Justice Secretary Ken Clarke has warned against a push for new sentencing powers in the wake of the riots. He told BBC Radio 4 the existing system was working and cautioned against knee-jerk reactions to shocking events.
Not that anything Clarke says should be taken seriously after this.
And then:
"Met Acting Commissioner Tim Godwin paid tribute to his "brave" officers after the meeting, saying they had "faced unprecedented violence and damage and criminality and looting" and that "any suggestion the officers stood back is wrong"."
From Cameron's Commons statement, linked above:
"Police chiefs have been frank with me about why this happened.
Initially the police treated the situation too much as a public order issue - rather than essentially one of crime."
Public order issue, standard response = stand back.
Which could have just been understandable for the first few hours on Saturday night, but for the next 2 days???
Anyway, Tobias Ellwood (MP for Bournemouth East) had a great suggestion to deal with that particular problem in the future: the Police should be able to close down phone masts if mobs are using social networks to co-ordinate trouble. Brilliant, so when you're being attacked you can't even call them to come to help. If they're not there they can't be accused of having done bugger all.
Meanwhile, Inspector Bob Cantrell (GMP) has also revealed the equipment used to deal with rioters and vandals on Tuesday night was 17-year-old and not fit for purpose.
However, on some other planet (the House of Commons):
"Mr Cameron insisted the cuts were "totally achievable" without any reduction in the visible policing presence on the streets."
He forgot to say that's because there's fuck all visible Police to start with. You can't notice reductions in what's not there to start with, or am I missing something?
In other news, the House of Commons is practically empty right now, during the main debate on public order.
But not to worry, Britain is leading the way out of this crisis!
While on the subject of clowns, here's Bozo.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
My personal plea to the looters
Possibly, stay home tonight. But if you really can't...
Please, please, please. When you get dressed for the party, could you please ensure you wear some decent fitting trousers, or at least a tight belt? That'll spare us the sight of your dirty pants when you get carted off in cuffs, as per a few pictures going around.
Please, please, please. When you get dressed for the party, could you please ensure you wear some decent fitting trousers, or at least a tight belt? That'll spare us the sight of your dirty pants when you get carted off in cuffs, as per a few pictures going around.
Come on baby light my fire!
What's been going on in London is pretty harrowing, but thankfully the Westminster and Met clowns have provided some light relief, aided and abetted by the multitude of white van men and women when the BCC shoved a mike in their faces.
Let's start from the Met's Acting Commissioner Tim Godwin calling on parents to rein in their children. Seriously? No, seriously? Should they do that before or after they get home wheeling a massive new colour TV, a fridge and a microwave on a trolley from the local Curry's?
Oh yes, please do, says Mr Godwin, because we will be using CCTV footage to identify the rioters and bring them to justice, and we will also make it public so Londoners can assist with identification. Would that be the same footage that is so grainy that a mother wouldn't recognise her sprog if it was waving at the camera? That's assuming the camera were working in the first place.
Let's move on to Theresa May. Actually, I almost wholly agree with what she said, except just seeing her sends me into a rage. Is it possible to almost completely agree with someone whose voice alone is enough to propel me into the arms of the Monster Raving Loony Party? She neatly sidestepped the reporter's question about maybe, just maybe, her own party's savage cuts being part of the background of civil unrest. Having said that, there isn't much "civil" about the riots and looting.
At least she did show up in London, unlike the Mayor and the PM being adamant they wouldn't spoil their holidays as the Police were doing a brilliant job (although they did eventually give in).
However, Ken Livingstone covered the cuts angle: "This is unacceptable but what are you going to do to give a generation of youth hope for the future?"
Put the man on the fourth plinth, I say!
(And Boris, why the heck wasn't it you on Newsnight discussing the riots in your city, instead of the previous Mayor? Oh, prolly 'cos you needed some peace and quiet to think up the next tax cut for your rich mates).
David Lammy (the MP for Tottenham), bless his heart, blamed thugs from out of the area. That's right. Brixton thugs travelled to Tottenham, while the ones from Tottenham moved up to Enfield, whose own thugs went miles South to Lewisham, seeing that their own had popped over to Peckham. At some point they all bumped into each other in Oxford Street.
And what's with the people who gladly will talk to anyone with a mike, tearful about their burned down homes and shops, saying how scared they are? People, with all I imagine you have to do, what with just having been made homeless and jobless, do you really need your 15 minutes of fame so badly that you put up with the inevitable moronic question: "how do you feel?"??
If you have this pressing need to speak and cry into a microphone, go get yourself a karaoke machine from your nearest Argos. They've had 24 hour opening for the past few days and I'm sure when they see your face in the CCTV footage they'll give you attenuating circumstances. (That doesn't apply to one of the shopkeepers near Mare Street who refused to close shop when advised to do so by the other shopkeepers, went home at 5 to look after her baby, who can be heard gurgling on the BBC interview recording, then called the BBC to get on the news. Lady, the world really was not dying to hear your baby gaga-ing in the background, cute as it may be to you, while you were saying how nothing had happened on your patch, either before or after you went home, nor how you'd heard nothing in the run up to it.)
But I think Paula Radcliffe nailed it: "In less than 1 year we welcome the world to London, and right now the world doesn't want to come".
It appears every cloud has a silver lining.
Let's start from the Met's Acting Commissioner Tim Godwin calling on parents to rein in their children. Seriously? No, seriously? Should they do that before or after they get home wheeling a massive new colour TV, a fridge and a microwave on a trolley from the local Curry's?
Oh yes, please do, says Mr Godwin, because we will be using CCTV footage to identify the rioters and bring them to justice, and we will also make it public so Londoners can assist with identification. Would that be the same footage that is so grainy that a mother wouldn't recognise her sprog if it was waving at the camera? That's assuming the camera were working in the first place.
Let's move on to Theresa May. Actually, I almost wholly agree with what she said, except just seeing her sends me into a rage. Is it possible to almost completely agree with someone whose voice alone is enough to propel me into the arms of the Monster Raving Loony Party? She neatly sidestepped the reporter's question about maybe, just maybe, her own party's savage cuts being part of the background of civil unrest. Having said that, there isn't much "civil" about the riots and looting.
At least she did show up in London, unlike the Mayor and the PM being adamant they wouldn't spoil their holidays as the Police were doing a brilliant job (although they did eventually give in).
However, Ken Livingstone covered the cuts angle: "This is unacceptable but what are you going to do to give a generation of youth hope for the future?"
Put the man on the fourth plinth, I say!
(And Boris, why the heck wasn't it you on Newsnight discussing the riots in your city, instead of the previous Mayor? Oh, prolly 'cos you needed some peace and quiet to think up the next tax cut for your rich mates).
David Lammy (the MP for Tottenham), bless his heart, blamed thugs from out of the area. That's right. Brixton thugs travelled to Tottenham, while the ones from Tottenham moved up to Enfield, whose own thugs went miles South to Lewisham, seeing that their own had popped over to Peckham. At some point they all bumped into each other in Oxford Street.
And what's with the people who gladly will talk to anyone with a mike, tearful about their burned down homes and shops, saying how scared they are? People, with all I imagine you have to do, what with just having been made homeless and jobless, do you really need your 15 minutes of fame so badly that you put up with the inevitable moronic question: "how do you feel?"??
If you have this pressing need to speak and cry into a microphone, go get yourself a karaoke machine from your nearest Argos. They've had 24 hour opening for the past few days and I'm sure when they see your face in the CCTV footage they'll give you attenuating circumstances. (That doesn't apply to one of the shopkeepers near Mare Street who refused to close shop when advised to do so by the other shopkeepers, went home at 5 to look after her baby, who can be heard gurgling on the BBC interview recording, then called the BBC to get on the news. Lady, the world really was not dying to hear your baby gaga-ing in the background, cute as it may be to you, while you were saying how nothing had happened on your patch, either before or after you went home, nor how you'd heard nothing in the run up to it.)
But I think Paula Radcliffe nailed it: "In less than 1 year we welcome the world to London, and right now the world doesn't want to come".
It appears every cloud has a silver lining.
Monday, August 08, 2011
London Bridge is burning down, burning down, burning down...
Ooops, got that wrong. I should have said Tottenham. Oh, and Enfield. And Brixton. And... never mind.
Meanwhile, our great PM is going back to leave a tip, although the BBC obviously have inside information as they tell us he told her to keep the change from a 10 euro note.
Mr Cameron graciously told the woman not to worry, even though he knew she'd made a mistake. A mistake, no less. Not recognising someone and telling them to get their own drink (incidentally, table service attracts an extra charge in Italy) is a mistake? What a ponce! Now, I wonder why an Italian waitress working in the sticks should apologise for not knowing who the bloke is. I mean, most people in the UK wish they'd never seen his face, and quite a few would be pretty happy never to see it again. But I digress.
Mr Cameron, I'm sorry to inform you that you've been mugged. Tipping isn't the norm in Italy, especially so when you're having a cappuccino, much less a 100% tip. That's just being extravagant and showing off, not to mention grabbing a photo opportunity. No wonder Ms Ariani gushes how lovely he is.
Sure beats being mugged in Tottenham, though!
Meanwhile, our great PM is going back to leave a tip, although the BBC obviously have inside information as they tell us he told her to keep the change from a 10 euro note.
Mr Cameron graciously told the woman not to worry, even though he knew she'd made a mistake. A mistake, no less. Not recognising someone and telling them to get their own drink (incidentally, table service attracts an extra charge in Italy) is a mistake? What a ponce! Now, I wonder why an Italian waitress working in the sticks should apologise for not knowing who the bloke is. I mean, most people in the UK wish they'd never seen his face, and quite a few would be pretty happy never to see it again. But I digress.
Mr Cameron, I'm sorry to inform you that you've been mugged. Tipping isn't the norm in Italy, especially so when you're having a cappuccino, much less a 100% tip. That's just being extravagant and showing off, not to mention grabbing a photo opportunity. No wonder Ms Ariani gushes how lovely he is.
Sure beats being mugged in Tottenham, though!
Friday, June 03, 2011
How to make a bomb in your mom's kitchen
You will need:
sugar
butter
flour
baking soda
eggs
icing sugar
Mix everything together except the icing sugar. Stick it in the oven for half an hour. Leave to cool and add the icing.
Or sumfink like that.
Bomb-making for dummies
Seriously, fairy cakes? I choked on my cappuccino when I read that article sitting in a local cafe'. And who could have thought of that except the British?
sugar
butter
flour
baking soda
eggs
icing sugar
Mix everything together except the icing sugar. Stick it in the oven for half an hour. Leave to cool and add the icing.
Or sumfink like that.
Bomb-making for dummies
Seriously, fairy cakes? I choked on my cappuccino when I read that article sitting in a local cafe'. And who could have thought of that except the British?
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