Responsibility? What responsibility?

What is it with men and commitment?

You meet someone, have a chat, get on really well together, have common aspirations. In the early days they're all over you like a rash, keep chasing you up and pushing for things to move faster. They swear blind that they'll support you and make sure you'll never be let down, tell you they'll always be there, say you can count on them and they'll make sure that things will work. A day doesn't go by without them contacting you, telling you they can't wait to get together and get things off the ground, that they really want you to join in what promises to be a great meeting of kindred spirits. They'll teach you, they'll guide you, they'll show you the way.

You're scared. It's something so far out of your comfort zone that you really doubt you can make it. But they so go on and on that it will work out that you start feeling safe, that should you get stuck they'll promptly step in and help you out, make sure your beautiful partnership will be so strong you'll never regret it. So your confidence builds up and you tentatively go for it. You're at the planning stages and talk and talk and talk, you've no idea what you're doing but they're so confident and full of themselves, telling you they'll always be there for you. And you make plans, you draw guidelines, you decide what you'll be doing and how...

Everything goes swimmingly, you almost start getting smug at how easy this seems. You're still a bit scared, and occasionally you might feel you can't carry on, but as soon as you mention it they rush in and tell you not to worry, they'll sort everything out. They're in charge!

Then the hard work starts.
Suddenly they're nowhere to be seen. When you call them to ask for help, they're ill, or they're too busy with work just now, or they're away, or their children are demanding their time, or the cat has died. So you try talking to them, offer to lighten up the load; if they can't cope with a full commitment they might be able to settle on something different that makes everybody happy. Oh no, I'll have all or nothing! How dare you offer me a smaller deal when you know perfectly well that I want it all!

And so it was that out of about 15 people at the first community garden meeting, 5 of them male, when there were boxes to build and position, dirt, manure and compost to shovel, heavy stuff to move around, lack of tools to deal with and alternative ideas to be thought, complaints from silly neighbours to negotiate, 10 of them have been turning up in the past couple of months, none of them with testicles. Balls, yes, but testicles? No.

What? Promises and commitment? You mean there's more than words to this if I want it to work??? I'm shocked and confused, never saw this coming! I hadn't realised I'd actually have to stick to my word and carry out my promises when I committed myself to be there. I really, really want to be part of this wonderful project, but you don't mean you thought I'd actually be up for dirtying my hands in horse shit, or do some heavy lifting? I never said I would, did I??? Excuse me, now I must go and attend to the hamster, but don't worry, I'll turn up when all's ready and there's fun to be had (provided Match of the Day isn't on)! And none of those smaller vegetable patches for me, I want the big motherfucking one, of course!

But that's ok, it's cheaper than going to the gym, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger :)