Love thy neighbour (and baked figs with cheese)

The other day I was almost 2 hours late for work. This was due to my
neighbours shouting and screaming between midnight and 2 am right outside my door. Correction, my neighbour was trying to calm his girlfriend down who was doing all the shouting and screaming, and I couldn't get back to sleep.
I first met this woman a few weeks ago as I was leaving for work. She was leaving his flat shouting and screaming then too, calling him a cunt and all other sorts of nice names. She was pleasant and friendly enough to me as we shared the lift down, first wondering out loud how I could live with that cunt (it was too early in the morning to point out I don't actually live with him, and he's never caused any problems in the 8 years or so he's lived there anyway), then asking me if I was going to work and if I was using the overground or the underground. I just muttered I was going towards Finsbury Park - to which she replied, oh, I'm taking the overground here, going to Highbury. I was a bit startled and told her that trains from there didn't actually go to Highbury, but Gospel Oak. I'm sure there was some logic in her reply, but I totally missed it when she said that no, trains from there did go to Highbury, and she knew 'cos she lived in Kentish Town. Yes dear.
Anyway, the other night at something past midnight she stopped outside my door shouting the world down, and he whispering something back trying to shush her. It went on for a while then I heard them
grow fainter, then I heard them in the car park walking away, with her still shouting. A little while later they came back in good spirits, muttering something about how good that kebab was. An hour later or so it started again (minus the kebab part).

Tonight she went into one again. This time it wasn't so late, but enough is enough and after 10 minutes of her screaming outside my door again I actually went out and told her to shut the fuck up. She looked up at me as if I were a martian and asked: "Pardon? What did you say?" I told her she'd heard, but repeated it just in case, to which she started mumbling about him being a cunt blah blah blah. At this stage I blew it and informed her that he could be an olympic cunt, but I'd never had a problem with him in years, therefore "SHUT THE FUCK UP OR GO SCREAM SOMEWHERE FUCKING ELSE". She said that she would as he'd called the Police on her anyway (thank bob for small mercies), so in my poshest voice I said "Jolly good, good bye then!" and slammed the door.

Peace and quiet are now restored at Raingod's Mansions.

On my way to my afternoon job today I stepped off the bus right into a pile of dog shit (may the flies of a thousand camels infest the owner's armpits). On my way home from work a lady bird stuck to my hair and wouldn't budge. Both are believed to be good omens and to bring money in some quarters, and it kind of proved true when I popped into the local shop for some bread. I walked past the deli counter and some cheeses and things to go with them caught my eyes, including some oven baked figs wrapped in their leaves, which I'm sure were hideously expensive (I didn't look at the price, but the packaging was of that kind).
When I got to the till, for some reason they wouldn't scan. I didn't quite catch the meaning when the shop assistant told me: "Say a price" and performed my best impersonation of a dummy. Uh? "Say a price", she repeated. I offered to go back to the counter to check, but she went, no, no, 99p wasn't it? I told her that I was pretty sure it was quite a lot more than that, but she just waved me away and tapped in 99p. Nice, there's a reason I like to shop there :)))